Wolf Issue
by HornLove
Summary: "And it wasn't like she wasn't worth looking at; it was just so not worth it when she caught you thinking about it later" A humorous one-shot of when Leah hears the wolves think about her in very inappropriate ways... Jacob POV!


_I'm going to sleep. Bye_.

It had been a brief wolf meeting before the New Born war. Sam had buzzed out to let Emily know of the details. It was awkward the way he left, seeing as Leah could now hear his thoughts and he hers. She was a heartbroken and bitter girl, but at least she was hot.

Leah had flinched when Sam mentioned Emily's name, and suddenly grew even more angrier. We all felt for her, literally and figuratively. Her depression infected us all.

So recently, she left to take care of her grieving mother. Her father's funeral was only a few days ago and now she's already forced into a war, and to listen to Sam's thoughts 24/7. That's gotta be complete hell.

_I'm coming with you too, Sis_. Seth's voice faded and soon I was left with the original members; Jared, Paul, Embry and recent addition, Quil. Unfortunately, Jared had left in a second because he had to go tell _Kim _something. Ugh, imprinters piss me off.

So I was left with my two best friends and the violate and perverted Paul, who would not shut the fuck up. None of us liked him, and so it sucked a lot to share his brain.

_Hey. _Paul growled _You shut up. What are you even doing here?_

_We just had a meeting, dumbass_ Quil said, almost happily. His high of being a wolf hadn't fully worn off.

_No. Embry and I are on patrol, okay. It's time for you guys to buzz off_

_I don't want to! _Quil said like a triumphant child _I like being in wolf_

_Come on, Quil. _I said tiredly, like a parent _Let's go—_

_WOAH. _

And it took all my might to avoid howling.

"Paul, you fucking pervert! Go away!" I heard Leah shout, her face blushing deeply, her hands immediately covering her breasts

I could see it. Vividly. Though it was only a few seconds, the image forever pasted in my brain. I saw it. A beautiful picture of Leah Clearwater naked— all through Paul's eyes.

_Oh...my...God._..Embry had sighed, contently _Did you not see that?_

I could see Quil lying on his back, his tongue sticking out, completely mesmerized _Perfect...absolutely perfect. _

Paul was laughing maniacally. _Damn!__ She's got a hot body! Sam is an idiot, I will forever question his manliness _

_Wow, Paul._ I commented, trying to hide my excitement and sound mature, though it was obvious that I kept replaying the picture over and over _That was _so_ wrong, _

_Who gives a shit, Black? _Paul sneered_ You'd have to be gay to not like that! That was fucking beautiful!_

Embry laughed_ Did you do that on purpose?_

_Nawl..._Paul admitted_ But I don't regret it, my friend. I do not regret it at all. _

_Hahaha I don't regret it either, Paul. _

_You guys are sick _I said _But that was hot. She's perfect. _

_Damn straight she's perfect, _Paul had stated as if it was obvious, well known fact_ Leah Clearwater is sexy as fuck, you don't have to see her naked to know that. God, I'm so gonna have to hit that later_

_HA. Paul. She would never give you a chance_

_Twenty says I'll get her in my bed in a few weeks_

_You're on! She hates your guts. Did you see the way she yelled at you? Fifty says she'll knee you in the groan and beat the shit out of you._

_I'm with Quil _Embry said

_You're on._ Paul said, happily. _And I'll fuck the shit out of her—_

_PAUL ALEXANDER LAHOTE, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU. _

Shit.

Within seconds, we all phased out in pure fear. We all unfortunately were in different places, so for ten long seconds I was left alone in the woods.

The terror was rising in me, because I was truly scared. Leah Clearwater was a quick sprinter and shameless fighter when she was provoked, I personally hoped I wouldn't deal with her wrath...she seemed pretty pissed.

After wandering in the woods, I met up with Quil and Embry and stared at them wide eyed. Even though we hated Paul, a sudden sense of family and unity guided us into our expedition to save him. No matter how much of an ass he was, we couldn't leave a solider behind...

"Where's Paul?" Embry had said, his voice so low. The previous joy in seeing Leah naked was erased, now we wished to delete it from our memory forever.

Just after Embry asked his question, a high-pitched scream interrupted us in our frantic worry. Soon, Paul's whimpers were caught in the undertone. _"Please...no...Leah...please...!" _

"We can't leave him alone." I said, but it sounded more like a question. Should we let Paul endure the torture he deserves, or should we risk it all and save him?

Another holler echoed through the trees.

"Fuck this!" Quil said, running away from the scene. I heard his distant voice scowl in the abyss. He was long gone, but I could hear him as if he was standing right next to me "I don't know about you, but I'm out!"

I could count on noble Embry to tell me to do the right thing, but he was gone as well. His mangled laugh was all I could hear as I followed after, skipping the way in total fear of being alone.

When we reached our halt, Paul's screams seemed mediocre and unimportant. I looked at Embry, breathing deeply and ready to accuse him of shamefulness but he only smiled.

"Hey, Jake" Embry put his hand on one of our shoulders "If it was one of you," he looked pointedly at Quil, who was lying flat on the ground laughing ecstatically and before looking back at me. "Then, yeah, I'd come and help. But this is _Paul_, we're talking about..."

"Yeah," Quil said, trying to justify "Paul, he deserves it! I personally don't want to be on Leah's bad side."

I only shook my head and flinched once more as I heard Paul scream like a dying poodle. He deserved it, but didn't he also deserve someone to watch his back? As a pack, wasn't that the point?

When I voiced my opinions Embry only snapped. "That's what Jared is for"

And then we all laughed. I hadn't really cared about Paul, but if I was ever in his situation, I'd like his protection. I guess I was okay. I did have Quil and Embry, after all.

"Let's just go and enjoy a nice blueberry muffin," Embry suggested. "Paul will be alright"

Two seconds later, we were walking through the doors of Emily's house. Everyone looked at us in confusion, and all we could do was watch our feet.

"What's going on, Embry?" Sam had asked, talking to him specifically because he was an older wolf than both Quil and I. "Where's Paul?"

"Uh..." Embry said, snickering in the process "Um, yeah...about that"

Paul's mangled cry of pain seemed more defined and loud this time. What was Leah doing to him?

"What's going on?" His deep voice boomed and startled me some, but I did not keep eye contact. Quil, Embry and I had our eyes rolling around. Quil was humming a tune to some commercial jingle. The words soon stuck in my head.

"Nothing. Nothing at all" Quil hummed

"AH. HELP!" Paul had screamed, his voice unusually high. Embry snickered.

"What's wrong with Paul?" Sam hissed "Where's Leah?"

Emily looked visibly distressed at the mention of her cousin's name. "Uh...nowhere"

In an instant, Sam shoved us out the way and zoomed outside. Quil, Embry and I all followed. As well as the rest of the wolves, and Emily.

And soon we were all taken with laughter as we witnessed Paul on the ground, stomach facing the dirt. Leah was on top of him, pulling his arms back so he had no way to escape, a satisfying crack was heard and Leah bent lower to his ear, whispering something lethal, I suppose.

There was already blood trickling down his nose, as he struggled to shake her off. She remained firm, and just as Sam stepped in, she bit his ear

"OW! You stupid bitch, get off me!"

Leah released her grip as soon as Sam began walking towards them, she didn't want him to get involved. Instead, she stood and gave them both a look of pure loathing. Paul first.

"Don't ever fucking think of me that way," She warned, shoving Sam's helping hands "I swear I'll fucking kill you"

"You're a psychopath" He insulted, while soothing his ear. Though he looked strangely happy, as if he was bragging that Leah was just on top of him a few seconds ago. The perverted fucker.

But she didn't hear him, instead, she flew past Sam and stopped in front of us. We all gulped. Her eyes pierced a deep hole into our friendship. Quil was shaking at her gaze, and Embry looked at her head on, as if unafraid.

"Paul owes you fifty bucks," she said, comically.

And suddenly, we all sighed in relief. Quil laughed nervously. She heard that part? What else did she hear?

"Oh, and don't ever make bets on me again. I have no problem with killing all three of you, got it?"

"Got it" We all saluted, and we slowly watched her leave.

It was quiet for a second. Leah walked passed Emily, who flinched from the angry she-wolf's lack of recognition.

"Anyone want to tell me what the fuck just happened?" Sam questioned, watching Leah walk away. I noticed the way his eyes trail up and down, as if checking everything out. Hell, we were all watching her walk away. She had a nice back-side. I guess (and hope) he was checking to see if Paul didn't hurt her...

"Nothing really," Embry assured "Just Paul being perverted. Nothing new"

Sam looked at Paul, who was trying hardly to crack his nose back in place. "You know, I'd like some help here. She fucking broke both of my arms and they've already healed wrong"

"Damn..." Quil whistled "What else did she break?"

"His dignity," Seth hissed, and we all cackled at his jibe. However, Seth wasn't joking. He left the scene following after his sister. I wouldn't be to happy with this either, if I was Leah's brother.

Sam sighed heavily, watching Emily now, who looked torn between following after Seth— as she would usually do, and helping Sam. Emily frowned before deciding on walking back to the house. Sam, who couldn't stand her walking alone, left Paul to fend for himself, after following her.

But all the jokes and laughter was diluted, as we were all left to face Paul once more. He looked more than pissed, we were ready to leave, but the stare of absolute loathing kept us locked in place.

He walked over, slightly hunched. A look of murder in his eyes. "One day...I'll get you all. Piss off"


End file.
